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Monlogue Jokes – July 12, 2013

1. Justin Bieber called and apologized to former President Bill Clinton after a video emerged of the singer spraying cleaner fluid on a photo of the former President while saying “Fuck Bill Clinton.”...

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Monologue Jokes – August 15, 2013

1. Former Illinois congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. was sentenced on Wednesday to 2 1/2 years in prison for misuse of campaign funds. But don’t worry Jesse, I’m pretty sure you can’t disgrace that name...

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March 18, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. A 4.4 magnitude earthquake struck Los Angeles early yesterday morning. “Oh good, it wasn’t just me,” said Michael J. Fox. 2. Fred Phelps, the founder of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church...

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March 21, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. Justin Bieber is selling his L.A. mansion and the reported buyer may be Khloe Kardashian. So finally they’ll be a “man of the house.” 2. Yesterday E*Trade bid farewell to the iconic E*Trade baby who...

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April 15, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. A British ice-cream maker has developed a new flavor entitled “arousal,” which contains 25mg of Viagra per scoop. “Finally we can take our relationship to the next level,” Ben said to Jerry. 2....

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July 24, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. There’s a new fitness app called KGoal, in which users squeeze with their vagina to measure the strength of their pelvic muscles via their smart phone. But, if your phone’s on vibrate when you’re...

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August 4, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. A lawmaker in Ohio is set to introduce legislation that will create a specialty license plate celebrating LeBron James’ return to Cleveland. Which seems appropriate as it will be the last thing Cavs...

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October 16, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. A man who checked into the Navy’s Substance Abuse and Recovery Program for alcohol treatment was also treated for an addiction to Google Glass. Even worse, the guy was so drunk, the doctors didn’t...

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December 9, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. Yesterday, a judge threw out a high-profile murder case against Shrien Dewani who was accused of killing his wife while they were on their honeymoon in South Africa. “It’s called precedent and...

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May 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Actor George Clooney said when he proposed to his wife Amal he was down on his knees for 28 minutes. But that’s only because he left his Life Alert bracelet at home. 2. Former New England Patriot...

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June 1, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to reports, former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was paying a former student to keep quiet about allegations of sexual abuse from the time Hastert was a teacher and wrestling coach...

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June 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to sources, Jeb Bush will announce his bid for the Republican presidential nomination on June 15 in Miami. So now, once again, John Travolta’s sexuality is the world’s worst kept secret....

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December 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. A former girlfriend of Charlie Sheen on Thursday sued the actor for assault, negligence and emotional distress, saying they had sex at least five times before he revealed he was HIV-positive....

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January 4, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Atlanta Falcons running-back Tevin Coleman suffered a concussion after slipping in the shower. “That’s why I always advocated a buddy system in the team showers,” said Jerry Sandusky. 2. British...

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March 21, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Last week, Netflix reached a $100 million deal with actor Will Smith for the rights to his next movie. Not to be outdone, D.J. Jazzy Jeff also reached a deal with Netflix where he pays $6.99 a month...

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March 30, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. While Bernie Sanders was giving a speech at a recent campaign rally a bird landed on the podium he was standing behind. So apparently 74-year-old Bernie has the endorsement of both Mother Nature and...

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April 8, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to reports, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump missed his new grandson’s circumcision to campaign in Wisconsin. Which is good, because it means there was only one dick who...

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August 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Eric Trump appeared on CBS This Morning on Tuesday and defended his father’s ongoing feud with the family of veteran, saying, “What I think this country needs is a fighter.” And you’ve need seen...

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August 22, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. A Donald Trump supporter who identified himself as half-Indian was escorted out of a Trump rally on Thursday because security thought he resembled another man who had disrupted previous rallies....

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September 14, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Two men rushed the stage right after Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte finished his routine on “Dancing with the Stars” Monday night. And, if you think sounds scary, you should hear Lochte tell it. 2. The...

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